Starting over…

Italian Word of the Day (or week ) : Ricominciare

It means “starting over”

Today, after six years in action, I deleted my Xanga Blog.  That blog has cataloged the past six years of my life: my conquests, my joys, my struggles and my pain. It was time to say goodbye.

It’s time to start over.

In a few months, I graduate with my Masters. After that, I hope to be in Italy (hence the Italian word of the week/day).

My background is cherry blossoms in bloom in Milan. That’s where I am headed: Milan, Italy.

I plan to live up my summer in Italy.

Learn the language,

gorge on pasta,

and see the country all before I have to return to the real world.

That’s if I decide to return.

I’ve always wanted to go to Italy and am really excited. I’ve been dreaming about this for years. I love the culture, the strong sense of family, the food, the culture…the men :).


Anyway, the best part: I’m going alone. I feel like I can fully immerse myself and get into the culture if I stake out things on my own. Not that I don’t love my friends, but an adventure feels like more of an adventure when you venture out solo.

I am hoping this trip will help quench my desire to stop moving. I always get an itch to go. After a few years it seems, I get restless and I want something more. Something new. So I leave. I settle in a new place, make friends, work, make a life and then that itch comes. I can’t ignore it. So I move on.

I figure it I travel outside of North America and visit a place that I always wanted to see, maybe just maybe I’ll kill that itch. I know, it sounds like my idea will just awaken my urge to stay on the move. It just may. All I know is, I hope that by the end of this trip, I’ll will have figured out a place to settle down and just stay. I haven’t done that since I was kid. Once I left Georgia…I just kept moving.

I don’t want to move anymore.

I’m currently in Fresno right now, and as much as I love the people in Fresno…I don’t love Fresno.

It’s not a place I want to drop anchor. I don’t want to wake up in Fresno for the rest of my life. There’s hardly any jobs, not too many safe places to live, and the guys well…so far I’ve found two types.

Guy# 1- Wants to get married…like tomorrow. I am a bit of a commitment phobe, and I am starting to get over that, SLOWLY.  But it would be nice to have someone who would like go slow with me and not want to marry me… tomorrow.

Guy #2- Is a dog. They want to sleep with everyone and everything in site. And they want you to be okay with that.  Instead of, “I want to share my life with you”, it’s “I wanna share my STD’s”. Um…no thanks.


Besides…I think I am in love. In fact I know it.

Huh…it’s the first time I’ve admitted it to myself. Wow.

And I need to get over it…

The being in love thing is a LOOOONNNNGGGG story. It’s been such a long time, and these feelings should have been gone, but they are not, and I am kinda done with them. Basically, its one of those things that I know will not likely happen. I mean, its been a while. I’m too scared to say anything….and, ugh

Okay, like I said it’s a long story and the other purpose of my trip. I also know this is silly, but I am also hoping this trip away will help me see things in a new light and kinda help me forget things. It’s been an interesting couple of years and I need a break. I need a time to cool down, relax and have fun. I really can’t remember the last time I did that.

So I am doing it in May after my friends wedding.

Well, time for bed. I’ll update this thing as I get closer and closer to getting to Milan.

That’s all for now.


One thought on “Starting over…

  1. What happen in Milan? I want to visit Italy since I saw ‘Il postino’. I love the music, the opera, the people, their stories, etc. What is your impression of Italy and its people after visiting? Waiting for your post.. 😉

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