Italian word of the day/week: pazienza= patience
I woke up this morning dreading the day.
It’s no secret that I dislike my job. I like the people I work with and I love my clients, but there’s so much drama that goes on and I am constantly distracted/ interrupted at work, it makes it hard to work when your heart is already not in it.
I am applying for other jobs out of state and have two interviews in Arizona which I am stoked about. I think because I am leaving, I’ve felt a little lighter lately. I also think that because I am leaving, my patience with everything is running out. I’m over it. So I get into these moods, I get irritable at work, with my co workers, with what I do, and I shut down. I get bored and distracted, a death wish for someone who is already ADD. I start really disliking what I do, and it makes it hard to get up and go in everyday. I start welcoming colds and flu bugs. It’s no bueno.
Today I was especially grumpy because there is stuff going on at my house with my roommates: (one of my roommates has turned out to be a real nutter) and I knew that there would be interns in my office. So I worked at home without telling anyone. Man, those few hours of silence were gold. No one asking questions, no one walking into my office every few minutes. No outside conversation.
I loved it.
I went back into work in the afternoon, and the grumpiness came back. I almost went to my boss and told her that I’m not happy and can’t take it anymore: the gossiping, the constant distractions, people looking over my shoulder. I’m just too ADD for this job!
I turn to God and say: “God…what do I do? I really don’t like my job. It’s affecting my work; my heart’s not in it. How much longer do I have to pretend I’m happy? I’m going insane here! Something needs to change!”
Oh little whiny me. Always looking for the instant gratification; wanting something done when I want it, and only on my time.
Yeah, God responds to that behavior.
Instead, God smiles down at me and says:
“You don’t have to like it, but you have to do it. For the next few months, you’re there. Be the best you can be while you’re there. Check your attitude; if you think it sucks, it will suck. Focus on me; and it will get easier.”
Just the pep talk I needed. I’m glad He’s always there and always listens. He loves me, no matter what I say or do, He puts up with me.
I know I am burnt out and it is making me crazy, but I can hang in there til May/ June. I have to be patient. I will drag myself out of bed, and I will go to work. If I need quiet to work, I’ll head find a quiet place to get things done. I will put my head up, and barrel through. I will enjoy my weekends and relish my time with my friends. I will not let my unhappiness with work seep into other areas of my life. I will be positive, I will smile, and I will stay above the drama.
As of now, I’m adopting Dory’s mantra:
“Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.”
Dory makes me smile.