So I’ve been really off for the past few weeks. Sleeping, not eating, lack of motivation, isolation, irritability…everything’s off. I know the signs and symptoms of depression and I am pretty sure that is what’s going on. I don’t need my DSM-IV to tell me that my depression is back.
It’s frustrating because I feel like I’ve warped back to 2005 when all this depression stuff started. I really thought I was past all this, yet here it is again, rearing it’s ugly head. It’s frustrating, really frustrating.
So, what’s the next step? Counseling obviously. The last time this happened, I nearly died. I scared the crap out of my friends and family. It literally took away my faith in God. Although it was a hard, horrid time in my life, I learned an important lesson: holding everything in will eventually kill you.
To avoid that catastrophe, I’m seeking help before stuff gets to be too much and the depression rules over everything. I’m getting dangerously close to that and to avoid that dark, crazy road, I gotta suck it up, let go of control and start talking to someone professionally before I lose my mind.
As much as I hate to ask for help, I gotta do it. I’m a counselor, friend, niece, sister and to successfully keep up with all of that, I gotta be okay. As a good friend once told me, “you really can’t help anyone until you help yourself.” I am realizing now, as my job, family and friendships seem more and more overwhelming than positive, she is right.
So, I’m going to counseling. It’ll be a good thing. It’ll help me deal with my self-image, boundaries and guilt issues as well as help me deal with the death of my mom. Asking for and seeking help is probably one of the hardest things for me to do, but if I don’t do it, I’m not the only one who suffers.