I can’t sleep. A small part of my inability to turn down the lights is because I watched “The Woman in Black” and it scared the crap out of me. This is probably one of the scariest scary movies I have seen in a long time. Daniel Radcliff was brilliant, the story line was brillant and the effects were brilliant. I haven’t been this scared in a movie since I saw “The Ring” back in 2002. I even managed to scare other people in the theater when I screamed. I warned my friend I’m bad with scary movies. I hope she’ll still continue to watch movies with me after me being a dork, haha.
The funniest thing about me being scared over this is, I literally watched it all peeking through my fingers. I only saw like 20 percent of the actual movie, but I could hear everything, so I am still freaked out. I loved that I saw this movie until I realized that I live alone, in the country, on a very dark street.
Every time I turned down the lights, or walked to my bathroom at night, my vivid imagination started up and I imagined the woman in the corner of my room watching me while I slept. Every noise I hear immediately causes me to sit up alert in my bed wondering where that sound came from. I slept with the lights on last night. I probably will sleep with them on tonight. I know I’m being ridiculous and that it’s just a movie. I’m a huge chicken, but it’s my own fault for watching this movie knowing that it would freak me out. I’ll get over it soon, hopefully.
The other reason I can’t sleep is because I am troubled by an on-going issue I’ve been dealing with for the past few months or so. I know it’s gotten to be overwhelming for me when it starts screwing with my sleep, so I figured maybe writing about it may help get it off my mind. I can’t really go into much detail, and if you would like details, by all means, just ask me.
So here’s the exteremly vague version: I have been dealing with a troubling issue thats basically become very negative to me. For a while it has gotten better, but the same issues pop right back up, and I am back to square one. I’ve talked to others about it and researched methods on how to deal with it, but nothing seems to work. It’s gotten to the point where something drastic needs to happen to make things better or I just have to walk away.
I have a hard time with guilt as I have mentioned before as well as letting go. It has gotten to the point where I have to tell myself ” When will it be enough, and how much more can I take?”
Sometimes you have to let go.
I am super grateful for the advice others have given me on this issue and I have tried out their suggestions. Now, I am just going to let it go and give it to God. It’s strange, to me it feels like I am copping out because I can’t handle my own battles. Doing this strongly goes against my independent nature. My mom raised me to try to do everything myself. Although I am so grateful she pushed me to be independent, it’s developed into a sort of flaw when it comes to letting God handle stuff. Life would be so much easier if I let go and let Him take the reigns on my troubles.
This will probably be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Deep down, I know that this is the smartest thing to do and probably how I should have handled this thing in the first place. However, I hate asking for help or admitting I can’t handle something. Because of that, it’s gone on a lot longer than it needed to and now it’s just a nightmare.
So, I am removing my kung fu grip from this burden and laying it at the Lord’s feet. It’s all that I can do. My hope is that in my stubbornness I do not try to pick it up again and take control because honestly, I’ve gotten no where. I just have to trust that He will help me through it.
Well, time to sleep. Here’s hoping the light bulbs in my lamp don’t burn out before I doze off…