Just Because…

I decided to take a break from boring those of you who read this with my running experiences and to blog about something else. You’re welcome. As soon as I hit another running milestone, I will be sure to return to geeking out about them and boring you with those updates. You know you love it.

So as I mentioned before, this year has started out with a lot of change, mostly very positive change, and I find myself growing and learning more everyday. There are times where life still feels difficult, but my outlook on life is much brighter. I am less willing to throw in the towel as I had been previously.  I feel that fear of failure becoming less and less. It’s such a good feeling when you’ve let fear rule you for so long.

Word.

I find myself trying out new things (like the 1/2 marathon) and discovering hidden passions that I have buried deep for quite a while. One of them I am doing right now…and that is writing. I love to write. I often dreamt of being a writer when I was a kid and making a career out of it. There was a time I wanted to be the next female Steven King(still do)…and I have quite a few unfinished stories that are evidence of that. But, those are for another day. Right now, I am just happy to be writing again. It really is my voice or at least it helps me find my voice. I love it.

Anyway, I know that things are better because I haven’t been home, Fresno that is, in two months. Usually, after every trip, I already mapped out time for another trip just so I could refresh and deal with my life in Phoenix. But, as of now, I feel like I don’t need to go as often. I am finally starting to feel content here with my life and my self.   I am sure there are tough things ahead, because I have to be realistic;  life will not be peachy all of the time. Heck, I still deal with obstacles and old wounds every day. They just aren’t as overwhelming.  I  feel somewhat strong enough to deal with them.

Last year, I needed to visit a lot and I did. My friends, my home in California, helped me survive the second half of 2011. I know if my home away from home hadn’t been there as support for me, I wouldn’t have made it. I am forever grateful for that support and glad to know that it is there whenever I need it. It’s just nice not to have to use my life back in California as a crutch to survive and I can stand on my own two feet.

I think I finally get it now...

I finally found a good church (YAY) to add to that spiritual support I’ve been begging God for. I go with one of my really good friends here (she’s another reason I remained somewhat sane the second half of 2011) every Sunday and it’s amazing. I have gotten over the fact that I will never find a place that does worship for over an hour other than my home church because I am so content with the teaching I receive from this new church. Right now, we are doing an investigation of the book of John and Jesus’s final days. It’s really fascinating and we get to learn so much history. For example, we learned why Pilot allowed Jesus to be crucified, even though he received an unfair trial. The guy fills in holes and explains things so well.  I’m a nerd when it comes to history so I  really love it. I am happy I put my reservations aside about attending church in Arizona and I am glad I have a church buddy.

Life is improving. Everyday I come across challenges and I face them.  I know that I will have my ups and downs but I’m not going to just give up anymore. And that’s a good feeling.

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