I LOVE zombies. I am absolutely obsessed with anything zombie related. I geek out over this zombie stuff on a daily basis. Some people geek out over Star Wars, Doctor Who, Star Trek, Dungeons and Dragons…my thing is zombies, particularly surviving and killing them. I am a total zombie nerd and pretty proud of it.
This year, my zombie nerdiness reached an all time high. When all that stuff with the crazy bath salts face eating guy went down, I actually got excited. When the heart and brain eating roommate story hit the airwaves, I contacted the CDC for an emergency preparedness kit and joined the zombie task force. When the story about the Jersey guy opening up his stomach and throwing his entrails at the police aired; I went back to Caswells for shooting practice. When I saw the wig stealing, arm eating woman story posted on Facebook; I suited up.
“This is it!” I exclaimed with glee. ” The one moment I’ve waited for has finally arrived. The zombie apocalypse is here!!!”
Sadly, all these incidents were drug related. There is no zombie apocalypse.
Now I know what you must be thinking:
“What a heartless weirdo. You get excited over people getting their arms, faces, hearts and brains chewed up by other human beings? People died, Lex, what’s wrong with you?”
You’re right. This is a weird thing to be excited about. I feel really bad for what happened to those people. Bath salts are awful, I work with people who are addicted to them and I see how it ruins their lives. It’s a really terrible thing.
I was so looking forward to killing zombies.
If and when the zombie apocalypse comes, I want to be on the front line kicking butt, grenade shooting crossbow in hand. Strapped to my back will be huge samurai swords that I pull out simultaneously to slice off their heads. Strapped to my ankles will be two .38’s called Samuel L. and Chuck that I handle with ease while doing spin kicks in the air. I’ll have more ammo on me than Neo did while trying to save Morpheus. These are the things I dream about, people. Literally. I have apocalyptic zombie butt kicking dreams on a weekly basis. I wake up feeling refreshed and ready to rue the day. I love it.
When I am running, exhausted and getting down to my last mile stretch, I picture myself doing all that is listed above. I am doing all my ninja moves that will magically appear the day of the apocalypse, no formal training required. My clumsiness is gone; each move I execute with complete control and grace. For some reason, that image alone helps pull me through my last mile. I even have a Zombie Killing playlist on my spotify:
I know all of this is a wild dream because the likely hood of a zombie apocalypse is slim to none, but I can’t help it. I just love zombie stuff. It’s the one element in horror movies and novels that don’t scare me at all. I can’t handle demons, ghosts, serial killers and aliens in horror movies, but zombies are just hilarious to me. It just amazes me how something dead could do so much damage. In my world, zombies would be dead in a second.
I’ve recently picked up Max Brooks World War Z and find myself unable to put the book down. All I have done today is sleep, eat and read that book. It’s really good and a real page turner. If you are a zombie nerd like me, I suggest you pick it up.
As I was reading this book, I got this crazy idea to write a zombie apocalyptic novel of my own. This crazy idea may have been induced by all the processed crap and sugar I had at my friends house the other night, but I am still going for it. I love to write (obviously) and I love writing horror, although most the stuff I write I don’t finish because I end up scaring myself. So, why not write about killing zombies? Why not take writing that is therapeutic outlet and zombies and turn it into a creative outlet? I have a wild enough imagination to pull this off. I think I can do it.
As this idea began to form in my head, I found myself bubbling over in excitement. I have vivid zombie apocalyptic dreams on a weekly basis that I remember well, so I figured I could piece together bits of my dreams and hopefully come up with a book. I have enough friends who are writers who I could show my work to, and they would honestly tell me whether or not what I wrote was crap. So that takes care of editors. Now all I have to do is find a publisher and start writing and I am good to go!
I am really serious about this. I am going to do it.
I already have somewhat of a plot in mind as most of my dreams involve fighting zombies with Jesus (weird mix, I know) so I am going to start with that and see where it goes. The hard part is finishing it. I used to write a ton of fiction when I was severely depressed and a lot of what I wrote was quite good. Actually, it was pretty frightening and dark, but it was still good. The downside is that I once I felt better, I never finished any of it. I have a inbox filled with unfinished stories that I really can’t finish because I am no longer in that mindset to finish them. So, this will be my first attempt in quite a while to write some fiction without being severely depressed. This will be interesting.
I know it won’t get written tomorrow,( although I wish I were that awesome) and I know it could take years, but I am going to try. It never hurts to try, and it will give me something to do when I am bored to tears on Tuesdays. I’ll keep y’all posted on my progress and maybe if I am bold enough…I’ll slip an excerpt or two in one of my blog posts.
Well, back to brainstorming for this book. It isn’t going to write itself.