Right now I am crashing at Tara’s house in Fresno and relaxing while she is working. She really is trusting. I could totally loot and pillage her house right now; she’s got some awesome stuff. Lucky for her, I’m a good friend.
The only thing I DO plan on looting is her chai tea, because I am getting sleepy again. It’s sugar free AND she has almond milk. It’s just begging to be looted.
This is going to be the most “sort of random” blog post, so get ready. I will eventually get to my point.
I’ve been on a Grey’s Anatomy kick for the last couple of weeks, and have spent all my evenings rewatching (um, spellcheck…how is rewatching not a word? It’s totally something you do. You rewatch stuff all the time) all of season 2. I forgot how awesome this show is and I also forgot how Grey’s is totally focused on making you sob uncontrollably during every episode. This could also be due to the fact that it’s pre-shark week.
I decided to give my tear ducts a break and catch up on Glee. I am not a big fan of musicals, but for some reason, I love Glee. I’ve missed most of this season because I spent my Tuesday nights at Trivia with friends. However, Glee has been moved to Thursdays so I can catch up on it, until the new season of Grey’s Anatomy starts up.
So back to Glee…
The episode I watched was the one prior to New Directions going to Nationals. I’ve missed a lot this season, Sue is having a baby, Rachel and Fin haven’t married yet, and Coach Beist got married to Cooter. I have a lot of catching up to do. Anyway, during this episode, we learn that Coach Beist has wound up in an abusive marriage, which sucks because you never expect it to happen. She’s this strong willed, football coach who seems as if nothing can touch her. It was a powerful episode that dealt well with the topic of abuse.
As Coach Beist is telling her husband that she is leaving him and he starts threatening/ demanding:
“Who is going to love you now?”
She tells him:
She also makes the comment that she still loves him despite the abuse, and questions what that must say about what she thinks of herself (woo, that sentence feels like a mouthful).
This episode hits home for me not because I was abused, but because they touched on the topic of self worth and self respect. I’ve struggled with this issue for quite a while, all my life actually. And because of that, I’ve allowed a few people in my life to get away with a lot of things. I must not have a lot of respect for myself to allow anyone to treat me poorly. It’s not okay and shame on me for not having enough respect for myself to put a stop to it quickly.
Before I can love anyone and let someone else love me, I have to love me. I have to surround myself with people who love me for who I am, who are supportive and who respect me. I don’t deserve anything less because I am worth it. The trick is believing it, but that is something I will work on for the rest of my time on this earth. Every time I give in to doubt and believe the lie that I am undeserving of respect and love, I’ll just repeat: I am worth it.
After watching this, I vowed to never allow others to dictate my worth. Some people come into your life as blessings and some people come into your life as lessons. My lesson this year; never let someone devalue you. If there are people in your life who do, either distance yourself or be prepared to do a lot of confrontation.
Thankfully, I have a lot of people in my life that do value me, although sometimes I forget. I have amazing friends; God has blessed me with some of the most amazing friends. I have friends who have practically adopted me as a part of their family. I have friends who I can dance like a zombie with and talk about farting (another story). I have friends who I can practically call anytime no matter the hour. I am incredibly blessed.
It’s crazy that it took a fictional high school musical to show me all that. God has been beating this into me for years (well not beating, gently reminding) and I watch this episode and finally get it. Sorry God, sometimes I am slow on the uptake. But you love me anyway.
Because I am your favorite. And I am worth it.