Light

I got another blogging assignment from She Reads Truth! Yay. Here goes something 🙂

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5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

6  my soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen for the morning,

more than watchmen for the morning.

Psalms 130:5-6

I find myself laying in bed in complete despair. Life is not what it should be. I do not want to get out of bed and face the day. I want to hide in my room, never leaving the comfort of my covers. There has been too much change.  My hope has been shattered. My promises seem broken. Everything in my mind is shouting loudly that all has failed. As I lay in my bed, listening to the roaring negative thoughts in my head, a calm small Voice sneaks in.

“Alexis, things are not what they seem.”

I’m amazed that I can hear this Voice above the negativity roaring in my head. The negative thoughts seem as surprised as I am and they stop at once. This new Voice has my attention.

“Alexis, this year I am going to restore your hope. Take a walk with me, daughter. All of this has a purpose. These changes, these trials are meant for good. Remember last April…’I have heard your prayers and know your promises. I am quickly working over them.  I will bring you so much joy, you will not know what to do with it.’  Continue waiting and trusting, daughter and these promises will be granted to you.”

I allow these words of comfort to sink in. I wipe the tears from my eyes, peel off the warm cocoon of my blankets, and get out of bed.

That was January 1st of this year.

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

6  my soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen for the morning,

more than watchmen for the morning.

Waiting on the Lord is not easy. There are so many times I want to throw in the towel, give up and just hide. For a long time, that was my response. I was content in the darkness. I longed for the night. I would flee from the sunrise. The brightness of sun hurt my eyes. It’s brilliant rays hurt my skin. I felt exposed in it’s light. Vulnerable. Hopeless.

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

6  my soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen for the morning,

more than watchmen for the morning.

My soul however, longed for more. It craved the light. In the light, I found peace in the loving embrace of a Father. I found hope. Love. Joy. Safety. Forgiveness. All the things I longed for and God wanted to freely give. I just had to learn to trust Him. I had to learn how to wait and find joy in the waiting.

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

6  my soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen for the morning,

more than watchmen for the morning.

In the waiting, hoping, trusting,  I’ve built this relationship that I can’t live without. I must spend time with the Lord. Before it seemed like a burden, sadly. Something that I had to do. Now, it’s something that I look forward to. The more of myself that I give, the more He freely gives me. It’s such a gift to have this relationship. To have the love and forgiveness is a beautiful thing. It feels good to let go, put myself aside and just follow the Lord.

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

6 my soul waits for the Lord

more than watchmen for the morning,

more than watchmen for the morning.

I’ve come a long way from that dark morning on January 1st. Life ain’t always a bowl of peaches, but as long as I wait on the Lord and remember the love He has for me, it’s easier to hang in for the long haul.

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